Well, the final blows (I hope) were delivered yesterday when Travis discovered that our little VW wouldn't start due to an abundance of air bubbles in the fuel line, likely the cause of a cracked fuel line, and, he didn't get to work yesterday either due to an abundance of snow. Here we are, for the first time in our lives, wishing it would stop snowing, and also, for the first time in our relationship, completely vehicleless. The Quantum was our remaining legal vehicle, and of course, Marmie still sits in her snow trench, with tags that expired in March of 2009, nearly flat tires, and probably not enough gas to even make it to the street. And she certainly isn't going to climb out of that snow without a huge amount of help anyways. So, yesterday morning started with such delightful discoveries, and I knew right then that we were either due for a turn in luck, or our house would likely burn down. Well, around noon, our very good friends whose dog we had been sitting for the past week came home and collected the little menace, which was good news in itself, but also, they offered us the use of their second car for a few days to buy us some time. This is the kind of friendship that I value so much. Because our families are all mostly so far away, having friends who are like family is invaluable. Anyhow, now we get to drive around in a Mercedes for a little while, which brings back fond memories of my good ole 1969 Mercedes I had many years ago. What a fun car to drive! The major differences are about 15 years in age, and of course, this Mercedes starts reliably, where as my old Olaf might consider starting every other day or so. With much gratitude, I can say that we are not entirely stranded now, and Travis has a way to get to work, should he ever get to work again!

Ugh, having a tough time right now. My usual positive outlook on life has suffered some severe blows lately. I keep reminding myself I don't have it nearly as bad as so many people in this world, but it isn't helping too much. On top of the difficulties I described in my last post, things have continued to slide downhill. Travis didn't work for nearly two full weeks, and upon returning to work, he is only getting four hours a day, which will definitely not catch us up. I have been desperately trying to make money selling things on craigslist, my efforts yielding a few dollars, but nothing like what I was doing last month. Four days ago, after my glucose tolerance test, I got the dreaded phone call. My blood sugar was elevated. So, there goes my remaining hope of a healthy, normal pregnancy and birth. Of course, I have to go in and do a three-hour glucose tolerance test, and both yesterday morning and this morning I tried to go in to the lab. I can't go in during the week while Travis is working because a) no babysitter and b)we only have one car right now and he's driving it to Sisters. Anyways, our delightful car, being a particularly persnickity diesel, wouldn't start yesterday till around 1 in the afternoon, and of course, it wouldn't start again this morning. So, now, I won't be able to do the three hour test till a week from Tuesday, when my Mom is here visiting. That ought to make my doctor happy. I even tried to bust trusty ole Marmie out of the foot-deep snow in the back yard. While she obligingly started up after a few tries, and she put up a valiant fight against the slick, bumpy hill out of the back yard, she ended up ingloriously stuck sideways in the side driveway. Where she will undoubtedly stay until the snow melts, pouting in her embarassment. Yes, Volkswagens can pout! But for the record, in my eleven-year relationship with Marmie, she has only let me down just a couple of times, so I can't hold it against her. I'm impressed she even started.
Meanwhile, the van that is stuck in Portland has been for sale since being left there, and we've had a lot of interest, including a couple of cash offers. So, with any luck, it will sell by the end of the month, one big load off, and enough money to fill in the gap on the mortgage payment.
The month of December may well go down in history as the longest month of my life. Unless, of course, as is usually the case, the third trimester goes even slower than the rest of this longest pregnancy ever.

Ever have one of those days when it feels like everything is in crises and you can do nothing right? That was today. We've had a series of difficulties around here lately, beginning with the truck we bought in Merrill (we had my father-in-law check it out for us so we actually bought it sight unseen). We went to collect it in Malin on Thanksgiving and discovered the radiator is full of oil, so it needs about $400 in repairs, and it still sits in Malin. Then, the new family van, the 1987 VW Vanagon we bought just three months ago, had a critical blow out in its engine on the freeway in Portland, so it still sits in Portland at my Aunt and Uncle's house. We can't afford to repair it, and the can't tow it home because the truck sits in Malin, also broken. Then, to top it all off, Travis hasn't worked for a week because the stone they need for their next job did not get ordered or delivered on time. And this comes after having the past two pay periods short on hours. So, now we are in near-dire financial circumstances, unsure how we will pay all the bills and our mortgage, and we have two broken vehicles on opposite sides of the state. Needless to say, I am feeling the pressure. And then, today, I felt like I couldn't even do a good job as a mom. I know all moms make mistakes, all moms have days and moments they regret, but I just hate having those. I hate letting my kids down, I hate that fear that I might be forever screwing up these two little boys with the mistakes I make. I will be glad tonight when I get to snuggle up with little Eli on the bunk beds and read to the boys until I hear that sweet sound of their sleep breathing. Glad to wake up tomorrow to a new day, another chance to do a better job, to learn and grow as a mom.

We're Still Here!

Well, last month was national novel writing month and I succeeded in writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. So, now I am returning to my long neglected blog in hopes of a continuing creative outlet. I apologize to those who have checked back here only to find that I haven't posted in an eon. Life has swept me away into the world of busy small people as my two boys continue to grow and develop so fast. I am still in shock as we enter the month of December that Isaac will be four and Elias will be two this month. The years fly by so quickly.
Of course, the months do not for me right now. As most of you know, I am expecting our third and final child, and I can honestly say this is the longest pregnancy in history! March is still a long, long ways away.
This morning I awoke to sugar-coated trees and that beautiful, snowy light in the early sky. I love mornings like this, they are mornings that make me miss being one of the first to arrive at Sunrise Lodge to open up the mountain. How I miss that quiet, snowy air before the lifts begin to run, before all the skiers and boarders show up in splashes of noise and color. It is difficult for me to get out into the snow these days. Any attempt requires about an hour of dressing and bundling small bodies, and my own not-so-small body just doesn't operate like normal, making balance on slick surfaces challenging. I look forward to Decembers in the future, early sugar-coated mornings when I can take my three children up to the mountain for a day of powder.